A few month's ago, for the first time, I published a poem of mine on the web. Writing online has been a big step for me, and adding a poem to my collection has been another step.

I have been overwhelmed by the positive response. It seems that my poetry has touched people's lives. That, for me, is a dream come true. To bring enjoyment or encouragement or relief or thought or ideas or inspiration to a person's life, is the ultimate for me.

But, alongside this wonderful experience, I have realized that I have difficulty with being praised, with positive feedback. So I have been thinking about why one struggles to accept, or even believe, praise or accolades or positive comments. And I would like to share my thoughts with you here.

Breaking down beliefs

For me, positive comments on my poetry go against my (very self-limiting) beliefs that I don't have any skills or capabilities in this area. It is a colossal task to break down such beliefs and having positive commentary staring at me, can be like facing a battlefield.

I'd say that most of the difficulties that I am experiencing with respect to praise for my writing stem from the process of changing beliefs.

Pressure of expectations and fear of failure

With praise seem to come expectations. One can feel as if one is expected to achieve certain standards in the future, perform similar tasks etc. Whatever it is: do it again, and possibly even do it better next time. (These expectations could be self-imposed as well as external)

Here come all of the "what if" scenarios: "What if" I fail next time? "What if" that particular person doesn't like it? "What if" I can't live up to it? etc.

Talk about setting oneself up for stunted creativity, frustration and anxiety. This is exactly what I do. And not only in the writing arena.

But, the other day, Cornel said to me: "You've been doing this for a while now, it's not your first poem."
It's true, I've written numerous others and this one turned out successful, why shouldn't the next, or if not that one, another one in the future?

Fear of criticism

Criticism is another big "fear-friend" of mine. If you put yourself out there for praise, you put yourself out there for criticism. Everyone's tastes differ. Some will like your work and some won't (even if they usually do enjoy it). Some will say it (and some won't). At the end of the day, it's about learning to handle criticism and use it productively. It's a lesson I need.

And another lesson I need is to not take other people's words and actions so personally. As they say, it doesn't matter what other people think.

Being shy

I am shy. Praise puts one in the lime-light. Even if it is just one person's lime-light. That is stressful. What should I do? If I want the praise, I need to accept the spotlight as being part of it and embrace it. It is easier behind the keyboard I think ;)

Deserving it

I think that sometimes one can feel as if one hasn't worked hard enough for the achievement or the praise is too much etc. It can even evoke feelings of guilt. I think the answer is to accept the praise. Whatever you have done, someone finds value in it. Accept praise as a gift; simply say "thank you". And remember to give yourself praise! Recognize your own achievements or success.

Fear of change

When we receive praise, we have taken an action which will have resulted in some sort of change (no matter how small). It could be a change in your life or it could be a change in your being or a change in other's perceptions of you. Change is difficult. Change is risky. This action may alter the course of one's life - again, no matter how small. But, change and risk (even a little of it) is what gives the spark of life. The future can be a scary beast.

Fear of success

Accolades can also mean we are succeeding and sometimes success can be daunting. If you are achieving what you want, finding a way to your dream, with the thrill can come disbelief and discomfort. Success can mean changing jobs, or becoming wealthy or letting go etc. Sometimes, and it may seem strange, but we have some uncertainties or limiting beliefs around the implications of success.

So, at the end of the day, what to do with praise? Accept it. Accept it graciously and with humility. Never become blasé or arrogant, keep in the present and remember to acknowledge your own achievements.

	Ian | Quantum Learning 5/12/2009 5:54:18 AM
	Hi Juliet I recognise many of these things you write about! Why is so hard to accept that we make a positive difference to people's lives and that they may to express that. I've found that what works well for me is to remind myself they want to celebrate. It just so happens they are celebrating something I did that brought them something positive. There is some feedback in the praise (if I can hear it) but equally important is to enjoy the celebration! No humility needed for that!
	Mark 5/12/2009 7:57:05 AM
	You have expressed very well the self limitations that many people experience as they make decisions to put themselves out there or not. Thanks for sharing your process. It is good for people to know that this process is universal.
	Liara Covert 5/12/2009 8:23:27 AM
	Juliet, it is marvelous to hear you are listening to your inner voice and choosing to express yourself. As you touch the lives of others, you are also deepening the connection to soul. This is meaningful process that enables you to acknowledge and voercome fear and also expand your undnerstanding of love.
	positively present 5/12/2009 8:28:31 AM
	This is a great piece. So often we are thinking about how to cope with criticism that we don't give any thought to dealing with praise. It's actually a lot harder than some people think it is!
	David Cain 5/12/2009 11:59:02 AM
	Hi Juliet, I was kind of the opposite growing up. Even though I was shy I was never uncomfortable with praise at all. In fact, I was a praise JUNKIE. I was the whiz kid and the track and field champ in school, and was very accustomed to praise. Unfortunately I built my identity on the praise I received, and when when it disappeared, so did I. I wish I'd had a healthier view of praise, like this: "So, at the end of the day, what to do with praise? Accept it. Accept it graciously and with humility. Never become blasé or arrogant, keep in the present and remember to acknowledge your own achievements." Good post, thank you.
	J.D. Meier 5/12/2009 12:46:43 PM
	I like to remember that there's always two-sides to every coin. You can choose to shine the light on the flaws or on the goodness, whether it's a work in progress or a work of art. At the end of the day, it's a reminder that we set our own bar. One person's trash is another's treasure. One thing that helps keep praise in perspective is to measure against giving YOUR best vs. measuring against others ... in other words, compete with yourself. If you give your best, you never really lose and there's always a lesson to learn.
	Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching 5/12/2009 4:58:44 PM
	Thanks for this post. It sounds like you got some great awareness around what was holding you back from appreciating praise. I imagine just thinking about these issues will change how you relate to getting compliments.
	Evita 5/12/2009 5:08:17 PM
	Juliet the ending to this is fabulous! I absolutely love the last lines" "Accept it graciously and with humility. Never become blasé or arrogant, keep in the present and remember to acknowledge your own achievements." You seem to hit right on with all the other reasons too why we may not want to accept or feel at ease with praise. It makes me think of a quote by Eckhart Tolle that I want to share with you: "The underlying emotion that governs all the activity of the ego is fear. The fear of being nobody, the fear of nonexistance, the fear of death, etc. All of its activities are ultimately designed to eliminate this fear, but the most the ego can ever do is cover it up temporarily." So what is the solution, simply to put oneself in the moment of now, as you have said it too. Then we realize everything is just perfect. I may write another great articleand I may not, but in the now I did and that is all that matters. And in the end is the word "great" not subjective simply to those who read it? So always praise yourself first for a job well done. You know that feeling when you write an article, poem, song, etc, you are so passionate about, do not be afraid to give yourself praise first and if others like it great, that just adds to your celebration, and even if not, then you still should have you, and the fact that you loved it, and you were true to yourself, and that can be enough to get us through anything, at least in my opinion.
	Giovanna Garcia 5/12/2009 5:34:13 PM
	Hi~ I am so glad you have learned to accept praise! Sometimes we are our own worst critiques, and it's hard for us to belive and accept that we have gifts/talents to share with others. You are very deserving of it. :-) Giovanna Garcia Imperfect Action is better than no Action
	Lance 5/12/2009 8:37:43 PM
	Hi Juliet, I can completely relate to this post!! In fact, talking about criticism, I still remember the first time someone unsubscribed from my blog - I took it personally. Too personally. Here I was basing my self-worth on the actions of one other person (who would have presumably "praised" me earlier by subscribing). And I wasn't looking at a bigger picture, instead I was focusing on this one subscriber. It took a while, but getting over that helped me to not take "criticism" so personally. And I love how you've ended this, Juliet - about accepting praise graciously and with humility. This is a wonderful way to accept praise. In it, I think you acknowledge the person offering the praise, as well as allowing yourself to accept it as well. Great stuff...
	Julie 5/12/2009 10:28:41 PM
	Juliet, you've done a marvelous job of digging into this issue so many of us encounter! Each point was so well thought out. I was surprised to see "fear of expectations." That's because it's something that hadn't occurred to me, and yet I realized that's exactly what my recent burnout was about. You've provided the label for my experience. I'm still trying to learn to do as your last line states. Thank you for putting it all into words. :)
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 5/13/2009 12:08:48 AM
	Hi Ian I like the idea of celebration. It takes some of the pressure off. Thank you. Hi Mark Pleasure. Hi Liara I'm glad that you mention "love". I hadn't thought of that, but it is so true. That is the opposite of fear, is it not. Hi positively present I too have been hampered by fear of criticism. It is all such a trap! Hi David It sounds as if you have an interesting story to tell. Hi JD That is a very good point. And then one needs to be kind to oneself in the process. Hi Chris Yes, it has taken quite some thought, soul-searching and work! Hi Evita You have truly distilled the importance of one's own being and life path. Thank you for that - and the quote. Hi Giovanna Thank you ;) Hi Lance I think you have made a good point about acknowledging the person offering the praise. It is important to look outwards too and it is all about connection. Hi Julie I'm so glad that you have found this post beneficial. Thinking of you. Thank you for all of the great comments everyone! Juliet
	Daphne @ Joyful Days 5/13/2009 3:54:37 AM
	Juliet, This is such an honest and detailed sharing of what goes on when we are praised. I once deflected praise by saying something like "I'm not that good actually" until I read somewhere that when I did that, I was actually putting down the person praising me, by calling their judgment into question. Since then I've learnt to smile and just say "thank you". I do sometimes wonder if I deserve the praise, and am trying to silence such thoughts, as none of my business. If someone chooses to praise me, that is their choice and I have to honour that.
	Shankar 5/14/2009 1:52:07 AM
	Juliet! It was a great expression. Keep it up! I always observed that people find it very difficult to accept Praise & Prosperity. There is nothing to feel odd about that. I personally feel that we shouldn't take the appreciations to our head, we just have to accept it as if we move through a cool breeze and continue our efforts to progress. I usually find people lavish with their words to praise, and it can be a blockage to our growth, though I may be wrong. Shankar.
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 5/14/2009 6:59:17 AM
	Hi Daphne That is a refreshing way of looking at it. I shall bear that in mind. Perhaps you are being too harsh on yourself at times? Hi Shankar Thank you. Mmm, you are right about how it can block growth if we let it. It can also encourage growth. Guess it is a healthy balance we are after. Cheers Juliet
	Tess The Bold Life 5/14/2009 9:29:28 AM
	Juliet, What an honest post. Thoughts are just thoughts and they can be changed. It requires persistance and constant vigilance. There are many NLP techniques you could use, affirmation cards, journaling etc. Be gentle with yourself. Be vigilant and simply change that thought. If someone critiques you tell yourself, "It's the poem they are critiquing not me! Or so what if one person doesn't like it 300 others did! Or "I don't have to make this mean so much." Different strokes for different folks! Again thanks for being honest. Everyone feels this ways some times and you allow others the freedom to acknowledge their fears when you acknowoledge yours. That's a huge gift to give someone.
	Sara 5/14/2009 10:03:05 AM
	Juliet, I could really identify with this post. Every time I put a post up, I wonder if it will be okay and will people like it. I loved all the thoughts you shared. It's kind of nice to know someone else feels the uncertainty and joy of sharing what we create. Thank you for sharing your words and yourself:~)
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 5/15/2009 2:49:37 AM
	Hi Tess Yes, lots of reality checking necessary! Thank you for the tips. Hi Sara Glad you found the post beneficial. Sometimes it does help just to know that one is not alone with fearful feelings and life struggles. Bye for now, Juliet
	Warren Davies 5/16/2009 4:27:32 PM
	Hello Juliet! That's a good list you've made there, very comprehensive and sensible! Pressure of expectations is the big one for me. I do things differently after I've done them well, which of course isn't the way I was doing it that was originally effective. Praise can get me to over-monitor myself, and second guess myself more often than I normally do. By the way can you put a bit of padding to the left of your content, so that the writing doesn't touch the sidebar? Just an idea, I think it'd look good! Take care, Warren
	suzen 5/17/2009 9:25:35 AM
	Enjoyed this post! I've tried to be as grateful/gracious about the praise I receive as I know I should be with the criticism. Your list is a good one - thanks for sharing it!
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 5/17/2009 11:24:23 AM
	Hi Warren You are so right about how praise can influence our future modus operandi. If only we could just let go! (and thank you for the suggestion. I agree) Hi suzen It's wonderful how you look at praise and criticism in the same light. That is truly balancing out the duality in our world. Thank you for the insight. Cheers Juliet
	Liara Covert 5/26/2009 6:29:11 AM
	Many kinds of fear exist so long as you create and perpetuate them. As you raise awareness of what you do, you learn to discard or transcend what is no longer necessary. Some people believe two religions exist; love and fear. You choose.
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 5/27/2009 3:15:42 AM
	Hi Liara You are so right about bringing the concept of "love" in here. I can see how much it is missing in my dealings with myself and with others in this situation. Thank you, Juliet
	Davina 6/3/2009 2:54:36 AM
	Hi Juliet. Just remember that when you accept praise from someone else, you are allowing them to give you a gift! You are allowing them to express themselves, just as you have expressed yourself in your poems -- it is a blessing. It becomes a natural energetic exchange and a never-ending ripple effect :-) Keep writing. Keep sharing. Stay curious about just how many possibilities for expression of YOU there are.
	Ram Bansal 6/4/2009 3:29:04 PM
	Hello Julliet Praise and criticism are parameters of what we do. We need not be shy of praises or feeling defeated for criticism. All such things are subjective and can never be totally objective. But others have right to measure us when we are on a public platform like the Internet.
	Paul Maurice Martin 6/4/2009 7:06:08 PM
	These all strike me as important psychological points. One additional point I'd make, and this seems especially true of poetry in the blogosphere: it can be hard to find constructive criticism. It seems to be a blogging norm, almost a rule, to only say that people's poems are great. So I think we also need to be able to cope with criticism!
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 6/11/2009 8:46:09 AM
	Hi Davina Thank you for the encouragement. I like your thoughts around self-expression, I shall open myself to that. Hi Ram You are right. It is something we need to accept - regardless actually. And really, one shouldn't be affected by others opinions and thoughts Hi Paul Oh yes, we also need to cope with criticism. That certainly would be way before the "praise issue" when it comes to me. I must admit that there was a time when all of the positive commenting in the blogosphere bothered me. But, now I have come to know a few people whose opinions I respect and, somehow, I have developed a sense of where the sentiment is genuine. Thanks all, Juliet
	Liara Covert 6/11/2009 9:14:41 AM
	Juliet, as a person systematically chooses to explore fear, this is a very empowering process. It is not only about remembering that love presents in different forms (i.e. you have different reasons to love yourself), it is about reminding self about the value of unconditional self-acceptance. Everything is a different form of love communicating with you, even those thoughts and feelings you falsely assume are soething else. Working through your own misunderstandings is actually stages of self-healing. People do so consciously unaware, yet every choice is meaningful.
	I TAKE OFF THE MASK 6/17/2009 5:55:54 AM
	I'm happy to hear you're receiving more and more of the praises and recognition you surely deserve. When you receive one's praise, you are also edifying and making happy the person who gave it to you. :)
	Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching 6/29/2009 12:17:02 PM
	How is everything Juliet? Just wondering where you went. Best, Chris
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 6/30/2009 12:31:10 AM
	Hi Liara It certainly gives me a new perspective now that you bring love into it. Thank you for the refreshing dimension you have added. I Jocelyn You are so right. We can get so caught up in our own fears that it is sometimes difficult to acknowledge others. Hi Chris So kind of you to ask! I'm behind my PC, just not getting to my blog! Lots of life changes - good ones. Ones that are making my life great ;) I'll probably write about them one day... Thanks everyone, Juliet
	Evelyn Lim 7/5/2009 8:37:42 PM
	When you can accept praise, you are signaling to the Universe/God/Source that you are also open to receiving. Most certainly, accepting praise is not about boosting the ego; if we can also be mindful to staying humble at all times. Great work, Julie!
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 7/6/2009 4:27:51 AM
	Hi Evelyn That is a wonderful reminder that you have there. Thank you for adding it into the conversation. Juliet
	vered - blogger for hire 8/8/2009 11:40:47 PM
	"what to do with praise? Accept it." I am slowly, very slowly, learning to do that.
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 8/9/2009 2:49:51 AM
	Hi Vered Sounds as if we are having a similar experience. Juliet
	Evelyn Lim 8/9/2009 10:49:25 PM
	I can certainly identify with a lot of your fears. Thankfully, I have found a way to address them. It is the same for me too. I have a hard time accepting praise. I hope to be able to reach the stage of confidently and gracefully accepting them, without mumbling or not acknowledging them.
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 8/10/2009 3:56:18 AM
	Hi Evelyn You are so right in the mumbling. It's strange that positive feedback can cause embarrassment! Juliet