1. Why do we sometimes want our situation to be understood by another human being?
   
   
   
   
2. Why do we sometimes feel we need empathy from another person?
   
   
   
   
3. There is always so much emphasis on developing strength from within. Is there something wrong with these needs for "external" resources?
   
   
   
   
4. Is this understanding and empathy actually what we are searching for, or is it something else?
   
   
   
   
5. When are we receiving this "external" love, yet we don't see it?
   
   
   
   
6. At what point do these needs become self-pity?
   
   
   
   
7. What can we do to satisfy this need?
   
   
   
   
8. Is it all merely a battle against the ego that we simply mustn't lose?

For the follow-up post see: Being Understood - Juliet's Comment.

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	Ian Peatey 3/25/2009 4:55:38 AM
	Juliet Interesting set of questions!!!! Developing strength from within v external resources. I think both are important. I am a separate entity AND part of much larger systems (family, community, country, human race, all of life, everything!). I have some needs related to my individualism and some related to my connection with others and I think they both need to be nurtured for me to be complete and fully alive. I experience the needs for empathy and being understood as important elements of my connection to others. At the same time the ego can certainly jump in and confuse the whole picture!
	Tess The Bold Life 3/25/2009 10:22:56 AM
	Answers: 1.So what we feel or are going through is validated. 2. To be understood. 3. If we are strong enough within we don't NEED empahty and understanding or validation. Because we're human these feel great. Remember if we want to be understood we need to offer others understanding as well. 4.I don't think we have to search for empathy or understanding. We can ask for it. Remember there are some people who are unable to give it. ie narcissistic personality disorder 5. I can be empathic and understanding with the unemployed for example. 6. When we can't be happy without receiving these from the desired person. 7. Believe in ourselves, own our self-worth and accept ourselves. Also give what we want to get. 8. Yes a wise friend told me to "only see the love in other people." So if I focus on the good of the other person and myself I won't dwell on what I'm not getting or wanting. These are only my opinions, take what you need and leave the rest!
	suzen 3/25/2009 12:40:32 PM
	Both commentaries are excellent - as are the questions. Each one could be a blog - lots of meat here! I'm putting them in my journal, like bones to chew on. Thanks for the inspiration.
	J.D. Meier 3/25/2009 9:57:14 PM
	Good questions. It's a reminder that we're such social creatures. I wonder if we're wired at a basic level for survival ... I wonder if we'd be more territorial if we weren't. I don't actually have a thought framework to analyze it (yet).
	Daphne 3/26/2009 3:26:53 AM
	Juliet, I appreciate these questions very much. Especially in romantic relationships I have a deep need for the other person to understand me, and this sometimes leads to endless rants on my part to try to explain myself. Gosh, reading your questions certainly makes me stop to think about why I do this and how to stop. Thanks very much!
	Davina 3/26/2009 8:32:45 PM
	Hi Juliet. These are powerful questions. My answer would be to seek comfort. To reach out and connect. It feels to me like the other side of the coin -- when we are happy we want to connect; when we are sad we want to connect. Some people hide, some reach out.
	Lance 3/27/2009 6:01:34 AM
	Hi Juliet, I think we all have within us an innate desire to connect with others. There is something about this, about connecting - especially when we're able to do this at a deeper level - that takes a relationship to a new level. For lack of a better term - to a deeper level. It's the way we're made - whether we're introverted, extroverted, high strung, low key, etc - eveyone has some desire to really feel these connections.
	Lance 3/27/2009 6:03:30 AM
	Hi Juliet, I think we all have within us an innate desire to connect with others. There is something about this, about connecting - especially when we're able to do this at a deeper level - that takes a relationship to a new level. For lack of a better term - to a deeper level. It's the way we're made - whether we're introverted, extroverted, high strung, low key, etc - eveyone has some desire to really feel these connections.
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 3/27/2009 7:43:52 AM
	Hi Thank you for the great comments. I've touched on them in my follow-up post, so you may want to trot over there: http://www.lifemadegreat.com/blog/2009/3/being-understood---juliet's-comment And, of course, leave some further ideas ;) Juliet
	Liara Covert 3/28/2009 9:26:38 PM
	Juliet, one way of viewing this is to sense that hoping other people will understand you is a signal from deep down you are struggling to understand the self. Self-discovery is a journey. Each human being evolves at his own pace.
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 3/29/2009 12:29:48 AM
	Hi Liara What you say is so insightful - and helpful. It brings quite some realisation (and relief to an extent) to me. Thank you Juliet
	Heart and Soul 5/27/2009 10:56:47 AM
	Hi Juliet, I agree with what Lance said mainly because I have a desire to be understood and the reasoning behind that is I'm a deeper individual and I find most people take concern in things on the surface. I seek out meaning above all. I find that for me being understood comes from an intellectual stand point. It is rare to find let me tell you. I think it's key to be understood because that's truly how we relate to others. Others who understand and feel the same and who mirror our qualities. I believe that is what truly connects us to the human spirit.
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 5/28/2009 9:02:58 AM
	Hi Heart and Soul I think without any of this true connection, there can be quite a sense of loneliness. Juliet