This is a minor and isolated incident, but I feel that it enables me to share a means of overcoming an upsetting situation - especially when time and actions are limited.

Last night Cornel and I went to the theatre to see a comedy show. It was really very good and we laughed and giggled along. We went to get a drink at the interval and when we returned, a woman had moved into one of our (pre-booked) seats. There were still two vacant seats, but we couldn't see the stage as well from them.

I pointed out the seat numbers to the woman, but she maintained that she had been sitting there all along. We sat down. She continued to talk to me about it and changed her story, blaming someone else for the shift in seating. She knew she was in the wrong, but she became quite unpleasant towards me - I hadn't said a word. When I realized that our "new" seats really weren't as good, I thought about pulling out my ticket, but then the show started. Cornel was annoyed, but didn't feel like making a fuss.

I am an extremely oversensitive person, so conflict like this and, in particular, this woman's attitude and tone of voice, makes me feel immediately stressed, anxious and a little fearful. These were all the emotions I was experiencing (and no doubt more), and I felt myself withdraw into a very small and distant space.

I was no longer present, no longer connecting with the comedian and no longer responding to his jokes. So, how did I get myself out of this negative space?

Awareness

I was fully aware of my thoughts and feelings (more the feelings though). I noticed my different mood. I was aware of how my posture had changed (I was now sitting with crossed arms and bent in, whereas before I had been leaning against Cornel and holding his hand). I was aware of the tension in my muscles.

Breath

Without thinking actually, I started to breathe deeply; a calming and soothing, connected breath. Which helped cool my emotions.

Posture

Our body language and posture are a reflection of our thoughts and feelings. As our emotions change, so too does our physical form. The wonderful thing about this is that, if we change our posture, expressions and body language, we can start to influence our emotions. I reached out to place my hand on Cornel's leg and leaned against him - mimicking my earlier position. I felt my muscles relax and the warmth.

Acceptance

Now that I had got rid of those feelings of withdrawal, it was time to accept the situation. Acceptance came through appreciation: appreciation of the fact that I was privileged enough to be there in the first place. It came through rationale: the seat could have been worse. (I could have been seated behind the woman I had seen earlier who was wearing a huge headpiece.)

Forgiveness

The final release was to forgive the woman. I thought, perhaps she needs the better seat more than I do. And that was that.

Choice

So all of the issues were out of the way, and all that remained, was to return to enjoying the show. This was a matter of living in the moment and being present. I returned to watching the show and I chose to respond to the comedy. I let go of the past.

It's all about letting go, moving forward and enjoying life.

Ho do you respond to unpleasant situations? What works or doesn't work for you?

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	Lance 12/13/2008 3:11:05 AM
	I give you a lot of credit, Juliet, for getting to the point you were able to get to. In a situation like that, it can be hard to "accept". And yet, especially if further arguing will cause a disruption to the show - accepting and moving on does seem like a solution that worked. Allowing yourself to accept is such a huge step here - and the one I think I struggle with the most. Nice story to relate this to, and how we go through processes (or get stuck at certain points in the process) when dealing with situations like this.
	Chris (from Lifestyle Project) 12/13/2008 5:04:23 AM
	You are right that body language can change how you appear both to yourself and other people in such situations. Yesterday, I came across an unpleasant teenager who whilst I was waiting in line outside a post office (it was a long line) removed the batteries from her digital camera and just threw them on the floor! I immediately said "Why don't you just put them in the bin" to which she replied "I can't be bothered" - sometimes we just have to accept that there are unpleasant people in the world and rise above it. Thanks for the blogrolling!
	Stacey / Create a Balance 12/14/2008 5:15:15 AM
	I could feel you shifting towards letting go as I read your post! For me, it starts with awareness, breath, and gratitude. The tricky part is practicing these behaviors so you can let go as quickly as possible. The faster you can let go, the more time you have to enjoy life!
	Giovanna Garcia 12/14/2008 11:56:43 AM
	Great tips! All very true, my favorite is when you said "It's all about letting go, moving forward and enjoying life". Well Said. Thank You, Giovanna Garcia
	MadMadMargo 12/15/2008 11:54:46 AM
	Everyone has probably found themself in a similar situation one time or another. Action = Reaction. You have offered some sound advice, some that I need to remember - like breathing. Great post!
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 12/16/2008 3:39:24 AM
	@Lance Thank you for the credit. Acceptance is not an easy one I must admit! @Chris It's a pleasure ;) @Stacey Gratitude - that is a great one. Thank you for mentioning. @Giovanna Thank you @MadMadMargo Breathing, yes, that is one that I have struggled with. What has really helped is starting yoga.
	carla 12/17/2008 10:13:47 PM
	Great advice I need to be mindful of. I think in your situation, I would have been HOT. I'm not sure what I would have done since I dont know the venue or the situation, but she would have moved - if not right that instant, but later. I probably would have gotten a manager since I don't like to drawl attention to myself, but I really dont know. My SO is the same way. He makes fun of his forceful personality when it comes to something like that (blames the fact that he's a NYC Jew, LOL), but in your shoes, he would have been angry about it for days after. :( I guess for us, its a survival fear: -Let one person "walk all over you" = Its OK that it happened and it will continue. -Money - My hard earned money paid for them and we'll be darned if someone takes that away. Obviously reacting the way we do doesn't work! I have to keep my reactions in check.
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 12/18/2008 12:43:06 AM
	Hi Carla Yes, keeping reactions in check is not always easy. I agree that it is important to stand-up for oneself. Juliet
	Palma | Buddha Trance 12/19/2008 4:57:44 PM
	Juliet, What a great story. I have different reactions, depending on the situation. Sometimes it's just not worth arguing or getting upset about it, and it's best to move on. I like what you say about changing posture and body language. It really makes a difference. Some other times, it feels good to stand up for myself. It's empowering. It really depends on how deeply I am touched by the perceived injustice. Because in the end, it's all about perceptions and how we react to it. Of what we believe is fair and just. Every individual has different values or gives more or less importance tho specific situations. I can't tell what I would have done in your place, because one must experience the actual moment. It seems to me that you did the right thing for you, and you ended up enjoying the show in the end!
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 12/20/2008 4:24:01 AM
	Hi Palma Glad you mentioned the importance of standing up for oneself and empowerment. I'm sometimes guilty of not doing that and it's an important thing to rectify. Juliet
	snigdha 1/5/2009 1:38:32 AM
	Hi Juliet, liked reading this post - especially your step by step analysis of your feelings and emotions to handle & ultimately get over the unpleasantness by finally forgiving and "accepting"the situation to achieve your ultimate goal - and that was to have fun from the comedy show. Most certainly, I would have done the same thing in a similar situation. But may be not in very many other situations!! Actually," accepting" becomes the right or wrong thing to do, depending upon the specific situation. If by accepting, I am moving towards my goal - presumably a worthy goal, it makes sense to accept, learn if there is something to learn and move on. But if "accepting" interferes with achievement of my goal ( for example,say,giving witness against a criminal to uphold justice, or giving back right away to an eveteaser etc. - my eternal goal being upholding justice/decency), then obviously I would like to stand up for the cause and refuse to accept the situation. Thanks for the thought-provoking post .
	LifeMadeGreat | Juliet 1/5/2009 10:54:27 AM
	Hi Snigdha Thank you for your thoughts on this. You make a very good point about acceptance and its appropriateness. I agree, it depends on the situation. Juliet